Monster
by SunilaMoon
Summary: Cassandra's abuse has left Jizabel bruised, battered, and in more of a mess than ever before, a mess that Cassian has been left to clean up. But what means more to Cassian? Staying with the one he loves, or destroying the one who did this to him?


**So, this was going to be a oneshot, but, shit didn't turn out that way, and it got longer. Prepare for a total hurt/comfort fic from me. No, really, this is a total hurt/comfort fic, with so much woobiefication your head might implode...**

**.---.**

**IDK why I even write this stuff. But, yeah, was staring at the TV Tropes article on hurt/comfort fics, hanging my head in shame over how this, and many CassianxJizabel fics, involve most all of the following that said article mentions:**

**Rape? Check.**

**Parental Abandonment? Check**

**Drug withdrawal? Check**

**Abusive Parents? Woaaahhhh boy. xD;;**

**Abusive relationships? Check**

**Cold blooded torture? Yessir**

**Mind Rape? Check**

**Yup, this fic contains them all, really. Oh my.**

* * *

Reassignment.

That word... no matter how many times it rolled off his tongue, he was unable to grasp it. Or at least, to bring himself to try. It felt strange.

For months he'd been waiting for some sort of break. All that was on his mind was rising up in the organization. Yet now, as he stood outside that ugly door, trying to drown out the sounds of Zenopia's obnoxious humming.... Why now was he regretting his new rank? He fumbled though the contents of his coat briefly, looking for a box of cigarettes, only to withdraw them from his pocket, mumble something, and shove them back in briskly.

Why now was an overwhelming voice in his head screaming over how _wrong_ this was?

So what if he'd been reassigned and wouldn't be working under the doctor anymore... _So what?_ He had been _waiting_ for that sick man to...

He swallowed, trying to tell himself that he just had something in his eye, that the tears fighting desperately to escape had nothing to do with the matter.

Then there was the other side of his consciousness. The side that if not speaking reason, was at least speaking the truth. He knew from the moment he bowed before the Cardmaster that something was wrong. He knew before then, aswell, as the days went by... Waiting for the return of a man who'd all but vanished...

It had been one week since he'd seen the doctor when the Cardmaster finally summoned him. And never once did he mention that son of his, save for the words "you will no longer be working under _Death...."_

His knees grew shaky just thinking about the conversation that transpired merely an hour ago, and he leaned against that grim door that he hated so much for abit of support. He finally pulled the cigarettes from his pocket, giving in and lighting one.

He didn't want to go in there. He knew what was behind that door, or at least.... he had an idea. A strong suspicion, one could say. He had felt relieved earlier, after stumbling through the morgue and not finding his body... But that contentment turned to fear the corpse had just been disposed of in a timelier matter, with one bad thought jumping to another.... Until finally he told himself to check with Zenopia, and perhaps even come to find Jizabel going about business as usual.... It was a probability. Really, he didn't know why he jumped to so many mad conclusions with so little evidence to back them up but-

He groaned, dropping the cigarette to the floor and snuffing it out with his foot, leaving burn marks on the tile.

"_Fine then..."_

He inhaled, wrapping his hand around the doorknob and turning. _Please..._

* * *

"Oh, Cassian.... Come in, I didn't expect to see you here, I thought you had been..."

Zenopia trailed off, while slowly lowering the hand he's been holding out to greet the "boy". Nothing could have torn Cassians eyes from the sight before him, the first thing he saw when he stepped in the room. That pale skin, blotched in grim lavenders and blues, his hair dabbled with dry blood. His knees felt weak as he approached the bed, brushing his hand over the unbruised side of the doctors sleeping face, at least somewhat relieved to feel his soft breaths against his hand as he brushed his fingers over the mans lips.

"Who... did this?" He whispered, a question he'd been intending to ask Zenopia, despite how close he had been to Jizabels ear when he murmured the words.

"I wouldn't know," The hermit said stepping back toward the desk he'd been at when Cassian first entered. "The Cardmaster brought him to me last night..." the old mans breath hitched, as he felt Cassians eyes nearly burning holes through the back of his head, "I highly doubt it was him, if that's what you were about to suggest." he finally said, turning around to deliver his statement with abit more strength. Cassian had seen that expression before, that old "don't think of crossing _him_" look. He ground his teeth together, unable to bear another look at that annoyingly calm demeanor. He clenched his fists, dropping his eyes to the floor. He'd never been able to figure out this old man... Never. He knew full well this warning didn't come with respect for the Cardmaster, so must have been fear. He wanted to growl... He wanted to throw something, he wanted to _hurt_ someone, but he kept himself contained.

Were they all just succumbing to the fear of a single man?

But the more he thought of it, the more Zenopia was right.... this had nothing to do with that man. The last time he had seen Jizabel he was in _Cassandra's_ company. And that was far worse.

He swallowed, finally looking back down at Jizabel. _Jizabel._

"Don't disturb him," The hermit remarked, laying a hand on Cassians shoulder. "I spent the entire night tending to him, and this is the first time he has actually slept.... I'd rather you not make things difficult."

"...What do you-"

"I was only able to get him to rest an hour ago. Don't wake him up, his body needs this sleep."

Cassian lowered his hand from the doctors face, and took a single step back, not wanting to leave his superiors side. _Former superior. _

"Damn..."

He clenched his teeth, his eyes wandering dizzily from the dull floor, to the younger mans arm, and the lacerations on his wrists.... to the bruises and cuts on his throat.... His eyes looked slowly over each bruise marking his body, every voice in his head screaming different actions, to look away, to lift the blanket and know the extent of his wounds, to leave now and find Cassandra himself... That sick freak... He was the monster... _He_ was the monster here, _he_ was-

The door swung open slowly, and an ill presence made itself known as a man stepped into the room. Cassian inhaled... Exhaled... His hands falling open again, not wanting to reveal his state to that demon. He already knew who, now he wanted to know why... Why was someone who never once gave a damn checking in...?

Alexis closed the door behind him, taking his coat off and draping it over the coat rack near the door, its striking pattern and expensive flair standing out against the labcoats that lined the rack.

"Oh? Cassian." Although the "boy" still hadn't turned, he could almost hear a smirk on the mans tongue, those mannerisms were too ingrained in his speech to be hidden even if he wished to. Why would a man need to fake sympathy and understanding anymore... Not when the only people he held interest in were already tied to him by unbreakable chains.

He turned around, swallowing back his pride and bowing his head slightly.

"Cardmaster, I had not expected to see you here yet," Zenopia started, although, as previously in the day, he was ignored as Alexis walked straight to Cassian.

"My, my, it's as if you can't seem to grasp it. You're not working for him anymore, you're not even in this _division_ anymore.... Shouldn't you be thankful that you no longer have to fetch cadavers for such a lunatic?" He looked back at Zenopia, who, Cassian noticed, was keeping abnormally quite today.

"Well? How is he?"

Zenopia jumped a little at the question, but stepped forward immediately.

"As suspected, the seventh and eighth ribs on his left side are fractured, his left leg is also..." He paused, glancing between Jizabel and his own notes, "Shattered... He will be able to walk again, but that will be quite a ways into the future... Odd, the type of damage to his ribcage, the break aside, is something that I usually see only in women..."

Cassians hand twitched, and once more his eyes wandered back to Jizabel... His mind assaulted with several memories of Cassandra and his prostitutes... _Only seen in... Women? Damage caused by.... A corset...?_

He swallowed, his hand rising to his mouth, unsure whether he could keep the bile in his throat down as he tried to find the new images assaulting his mind. Yet, despite his best effort, his head was bombarded with visions of each punch to the younger mans face, a rough hand slamming him against the wall, a collar cutting into his throat, harsh words, each kick to his stomach, and finally a blunt object raised and slammed down repeatedly against his leg... And other atrocities followed. That man violating him, a complete lack of mercy or remorse... Screams, moans... sobs as he was finally left alone to rot.

He swallowed again, slowly coming back up for breath from that nightmare to realize that Zenopia was still speaking.

"...I have not identified the substances given to him, although his withdrawals early this morning were something terrible..."

Alexis withdrew a small bottle from his pocket as the doctor was speaking, handing it to him. Zenopia took it, with a questioning look before realizing the significance.

"I'll have someone analyze it... It may be best to wean him off of it, although I would rather know what it is first... can't risk a negative reaction with the morphine I gave him...." He remarked, before continuing with a final note, "Also, he won't allow me to examine.... all of his injuries but I've been lead to assume that-"

"Do not bother telling me something I know.... Besides, I've known our Head Priest to.... Share his 'toys' on occasion..."

Alexis paused, ignoring Zenopia's slightly shocked expression, before turning sharply back to Cassian, as if questioning why he had not taken the hint and left yet. "If you have come here out of respect and concern, it is best you think twice of your....Line of work."

Cassian ground his teeth, his eyes locked on the floor as the Cardmasters cold demeanor in this situation was too nauseating to look at. Especially after what he had just said... _How_ he had said it...

"I... I merely returned to retrieve some of my belongings.... Sir." He tacked on the last bit letting a hint of malice shine through, to which Alexis merely chuckled, turning his attention instead to his son.

"Did you hear that, Jizabel? He was not here out of concern for you...." He leaned in, brushing a gloved hand through his sons hair, "...How much longer do you plan to feign sleep?"

Cassians attention rose, and when he was about raise his voice he saw Jizabels eyes open, staring coldly up at the Cardmaster. _Feign... then how long was he...?_

"Don't look at me like that, not after what I did for you..." He whispered, leaning lower to Jizabel, and Cassian could swear he saw the younger man shiver. "Here... I know you've missed it... He took it from you....You don't have to worry about it anymore, I was able to find it among his belongings..." Alexis smiled, almost convincingly, as he hung that familiar black cross around his sons neck.... Jizabels rigidness had melted away completely, and it was plain to see he was savoring each touch from the cardmaster, ranging from the hand that kept combing through his hair, to the soft caress as he slid off one off his gloves and brushed his hand over the younger mans face.

And for once, Cassian looked at them with an ill fancy, wishing more than ever that the illusion could be real.... Or, more accurately, wanting to _believe_ it was real.... To believe that The Cardmaster could make things right, despite the obvious truth that everything wrong here was his fault to begin with, and he knew no guilt for it.

Still, Cassian watched from a distance as Jizabel nudged his head against his fathers chest, whispering something hoarsely. And finally, after several minutes of watching them speak, watching their lips move but hear nothing, Alexis drew away and left the room. Cassian merely stood there, loathing this miserable existence... And, after the Cardmaster had been gone for a minute, and Zenopia had slipped out the door to bring that sample to someone else, he finally looked back to Jizabel, surprised to see that the doctor was looking at him as well.

"...Doctor?"

"......Yes?"

The "boys" eyes widened, shocked by how rough Jizabels voice sounded... And, after five long seconds, he rushed towards the doctor, his knee's finally buckling under him as he leaned against the bed. He couldn't stand this any more... He couldn't stand the state his superior was in, nor could he stand the wreck he'd allowed himself become over it. But he couldn't deny it anymore, his feelings for this man had grown much stronger then they should have been, too a point that he felt sick and twisted to have them. And, rather then try to sort out these feelings in his head, he sobbed, loosing his composure completely as he cried against the white sheets, inches away from Jizabel. _The kid doesn't deserve this... nobody deserves this..._ After a few minutes of silence between them, save for Cassians heavy sobs, the older man composed himself, wiping his nose on his sleeve... A move he couldn't help but scold himself for, as it made him look even more like a child.

He reached out his other hand, resting it on Jizabels jaw, the younger man jumping slightly at the contact, and with little more thought he turned Jizabels head to face him again. _His_ eyes were completely dry, though Cassian wondered if the pain behind them could even be poured out in the form of tears, or if it was too strong for even the longest cry to relieve.

He didn't have much to say to the doctor, every question he wanted to ask had jumbled together in his head, and none of which seemed appropriate given the circumstances. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him more, not after how deep those scars had already been etched... The Jizabel he was with now seemed almost a different person then the one he had last seen...

" ...Are you in very much pain right now?" He asked, swallowing halfway through his sentence, trying to stay composed, trying not to blurt out everything he had been thinking. There was no response from the other man, but Cassian gave him time, resting his hand on Jizabels shoulder. And, after a few more seconds of silence, Jizabel finally murmured something under his breath, to which Cassian leaned in closer to hear. He repeated it, just as hushed as before, but this time the older man was able to make out his words. _Of course... I hadn't expected a straight answer... You don't have to answer that..._

Cassian rose, glancing at the table near the bed until his eyes came across a glass of water, already half empty, which he picked up and brought back over to the doctor. He slipped one of his hands under Jizabels head, tilting it up slightly to help him take a drink. After several sips Cassian returned the glass to the table, this time walking from the bed to retrieve a chair from the other side of the room.

"Hhnn.... Cass..ian?"

He replied with a 'yes', as he walked back with the chair, setting it down beside the bed and taking a seat.

"Why..." He coughed, wincing at the shock it sent to his ribs, "...Why did you come... to see me...?"

"I was worried."

"...I don't... understand-"

"Is it so hard for you to accept that someone gives a damn?!" Jizabel cringed, as Cassian rose abruptly, knocking the chair over... An action he was now regretting, as he looked down at the shocked look in Jizabels eyes. _He's so different... _The fury in his eyes subsided, and he kneeled beside the bed again.

"...I'm sorry. I wanted to see you," he pet Jizabels cheek, "I came because I wanted to see you...." He paused for a moment, almost paranoid that someone would be eavesdropping, before he continued in a lower tone, "...I ...I won't let him hurt you again."

Jizabels eyes widened, and for a moment some alertness had returned, but it didn't last, and his response was quiet and shaky.

"I don't...know what.... what are you talking about....?"

Cassian swallowed, and the hand that was on Jizabels cheek tensed.

"You know what I'm talking about, Jizabel..."

"That... isn't your concern."

"It is."

"It is not... It is only mine...." he bit his already bruised lip, choking on his words both physically and mentally, "...mine and T-The Head Priest, and fath- ...the Cardmasters....concern."

Cassians hand slid past his face, and clamped down rather hard on his shoulder.

"So you're just going to deny this even happened, is that it?!"

"It is not your concern...."

"He's not going to protect you!" Cassians nails dug into Jizabels skin, "He'll give you right back to Cassandra, and you know it!!"

"He wouldn't." Jizabel winced, Cassians brutal treatment of his already aching shoulder starting to take it's tole, his body too weak to even try to draw away from his grip. "The Cardmaster brought me here, he took me away from _him_ ...He loves me."

The 'boy' closed his eyes, breathing deeply and putting out his best efforts to calm his nerves, his grip slowly loosening from the doctors shoulder.

"...And …Do you really believe that...?"

Jizabel remained silent, turning his head away from his former assistant. Cassian swallowed, taking a step back from the bed.

"Alright... I'll leave you alone for now."

And without a further word between them, he turned and walked to the door. He paused in the doorway, looking back to Jizabel, who's eyes were still fixed blankly at the wall.

"...Just try to get some sleep today." He murmured, closing the door behind him.

* * *

The small figure stepped into the bedroom, his hand feeling blindly infront of him before turning the light on. Regardless of the warm shades of the room, the atmosphere was wholly intimidating. Although, he was able to remind himself that the tenseness he felt also had something to do with how he had snuck into the mansion. Not to mention that he had snuck into the house of a man who could easily make him drop off the face of the earth without a trace. As he stepped further into the bedroom and began shuffling through the drawers of the larger dresser, he paused and rubbed his temples, muttering something incoherently.

_It's not as if he would miss me if I did just disappear...._

His eyebrows furrowed as he pushed the drawer shut again, having found nothing. Really, he was not even sure what he was looking for. Evidence? There was no denial that he did this. He couldn't turn him into any "proper authorities", given both his social standing and the factor that neither of them were exactly law abiding citizens. And if he wanted to slander Cassandra, it wasn't as if he had the power. He took in a sharp breath, freezing as he listened to the movements in the hall. And as the footsteps passed, he finally let it out, relieved that the servant had passed by and continued on their work.

This was completely insane. He had traveled _this far_ to break into that bastards house, and sneak around like some little rodent while he was out on the town.

_With prostitutes I'm sure..._

He pulled open the door to the walk-in closet, taking a step in past the door, and sorting through Gladstones wardrobe. _Rich bastard. _He drew a knife from his coat, stabbing it into a rather luxurious tail-coat and tearing down through the fabric, an action which he continued with half of the clothing. He turned on heel, stepping back out and kicking the door closed, before marching over the the nightstand beside the bed.

_So, Alexis was here earlier... He thought, as he remembered the Cardmaster draping the crucifix around Jizabels neck. Did he take back everything... Did he erase all evidence this ever happened?_

He sat down on the bed momentarily, looking out around the rest of the room, and after nothing caught his eye he slid off the edge of it, on his way back to the door, just as he noticed something more peculiar on the floor. He kneeled, rubbing his finger over the dark brown mark on the floor board, licking his finger speculatively.

_...Blood?_

Once more, his eyes scanned the room, this time fixed on the floor boards, and it wasn't horribly long before he leaned his head down to look under the bed.... Reaching under the edge to pull out a bloodied scrap of white, lightly patterned, fabric. He swallowed, lowering his body all the way to the floor and inching his head and shoulders under the bed. He cringed, almost regretting ever looking. After a few seconds he finally inched back out from under, the rest of the white garment in his hand, which, now out in the light, was most definitely one of Jizabels yukatas, torn and stained beyond repair.

_So is this Gladstones way of hiding his secrets... What a complete imbecile._

After a moment it dawned on him that perhaps Cassandra was planning on burning it at a later time, but the stupidity in the action still struck him rather strongly. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream... But somehow, as he held it in his hands, his emotions now could not begin to equal what he felt when he first saw Jizabel the day prior. Jizabels eyes were much stronger evidence of the pain and violation of the past week then the bloodied robe itself.

He sniffled slightly, rubbing his eyes before shoving the yukata back under the bed. He would retrieve it later, if there was a later. He rose, lifting a pocket watch up from the nightstand.

If the time was correct, he had been there for an hour, and he could expect Cassandra back in two more. He still had time to investigate the rest of the manor, and, after cracking the door open and checking the hallway, he made his way to the lower floor.

* * *

Several hours had passed since their previous encounter, hours which had given Cassian plenty of time to dwell on some things. Dwelling which had simply resulted in a dribble of conflicts, regarding whether it was even worth his time to mourn a man with no hope left for him.

All and all, it felt contradictory to his nature. It had been years since his emotions were anything deeper then hatred and longing. The longing itself had hardly been for love in this time, such thoughts he had deemed juvenile. Not because he was like Jizabel in that respect, not trusting anyones words to be anything short of a mockery, but because it just didn't seem worth it. Given his physical state, the chances were incredibly slim that he would ever have a meaningful and lasting relationship with any woman, that he would ever be wed, that he would ever have children, and so forth.

And now, that his time dwelling had winded to a close, and he'd made his mind up, settling on the idea that love for another had nothing to do with it. That it was really love for himself.

In the past hours away from the doctor, he had found a solace in the view that by wanting to liberate Jizabel, he was simply fulfilling his own wishes, living vicariously through someone else.

Although, he could not ignore the ache in his heart as he remembered the look on that mans face....

But it was nothing like how others felt, or how Cassandra felt... He thoroughly denied that he had ever once thought of Jizabel as anything more then his superior, and as a wounded reflection of his own dismal youth. And of course, he knew the doctor had never once thought twice of him in _any_ respect... That man hardly noticed his existence, let alone pondered what it would be like to be near him...

Cassian snuffed out his third cigarette, about to step into the sanitary, miserable little room... But not without a pause, during which he removed the matches and other cigarettes from his pocket, setting them down with a firm hand before pushing the door open.

Jizabel had not budged since that morning, a given, considering the poor state his body was in... Although Cassian could imagine the doctor easily sliding out of the bed and getting off somewhere, even if he had to drag himself, even if it was agony to breath, let alone move... He knew full well that if the doctor _wanted to_, he could.

Frankly, that worried him.

But Jizabel _didn't_ want to... That haunted expression he remembered said it all. It seemed to Cassian now like his shell would lie in that bed until it rotted.

Cassian rocked on his feet, contemplating whether or not he should just sneak back out while Jizabel was still sleeping, before he made his decision and trudged towards the bed, his face down trodden and his hands tucked into his pockets.

He exhaled, sitting down once more in the chair beside the bed, which nobody seemed to have moved since his previous visit. Jizabel was lying on his back, one hand hanging over the edge, the other draped across his body. The only thing covering him was a blanket, which had been pushed down to lay just below his ribs, letting Cassian see the bruises and bandages for the first time. He glanced away from his beaten body, his eyes stopping at Jizabels pale lips. Judging by the look of things, Cassian assumed that this was the first real rest he had been able to get in a very long time... A melancholy smile passed across the "boys" lips. This time, at least, there was some peace in the younger mans expression, he thought with some relief, as gently touched Jizabels shoulder.

_He's so cold..._

He lowered his hand, tracing it across Jizabels bare chest... stopping on the edge of the blanket, and pulling it up to cover his body. "There..."

"Mnnhh..."

Cassian jumped slightly, as Jizabel groaned, his eyes opening half way. He sat back in the chair, glancing away from the bed. The last thing he wanted was to wake him up, perhaps he would just close those dull eyes again and go back to sleep.

"...Cassian."

Perhaps not.

"Yes?"

"Do not..." there was a hitch in his breath, and he continued in a slightly quieter, yet composed, tone, "...touch me again."

Cassian gasped, his brows furrowed as he stared down at his own hands. How long had he been awake _that_ time? How stupid had he been, Jizabel was most likely disgusted... Given what had happened, 'disgusted' was putting it lightly. Disgust was how he would have felt before, now he was sure his feelings were more akin to fear. His fingers tensed, gripping the fabric of his pants.

_So foolish..._

"I'm sorry," He murmured, the awkward feeling in the room having grown to a suffocating level, "I'll just leave..." He finally said, standing abruptly and heading back towards the door.

"No... Stay."

Never, in the time he'd been near the doctor had he ever heard such a tone, and it sent somewhat of a chill down his spine. He turned, his hands back in his pockets, no doubt reaching for the cigarettes that were not there. Instead, he found some relief to his anxiety as his hand closed around one of his knives.

There was _so much_ pain and desperation in that tone, but mostly confusion, and it occurred to him that Jizabel was just as terrified and conflicted now as he was. He returned to the chair, but not before spinning it around and sitting down backwards, using the back of the chair as an arm rest.

"Alright. I'll stay as long as you want," He said reassuringly, before his eyes dropped down again. He was just a kid, an abused, violated, and frightened kid. _And he can't handle this, He won't pull through this..._

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked, wanting to end the horrible silence for his own sake.

Jizabel's eyes darted to the other side of the room, somewhere near the medical cabinet and countless vials, but they returned to their usual spot, the empty space next to Cassians head, in an instant.

"Could- ….N-no. Nothing...." He closed his eyes, rolling his head away from Cassian.

"Are you sure?" He replied, knowing full well that the doctor had just silenced himself, and judging on some rising urgency it felt like it was something very important to the younger man.

"..."

"....If you change your mind, you can tell me."

Jizabel nodded slightly, as much as he could manage.

"You are... strange, Cassian..." he remarked in a distant tone.

"How so?"

"...You...." He shuddered, closing his eyes, "I.... N-not sure.... how..."

"Doctor...?"

He stood up, climbing around the chair to lean over the bed, reaching his hand down and gently scooping it under Jizabels chin, turning him to face him. At this point, his superior was shaking terribly, and had broken into a cold sweat.

"...Doctor?!"

Jizabel swallowed heavily, forcing back the substances that had risen to this throat, his face looking paler then normal, in a sense of the word that held no beauty.

"...Jizabel?"

The doctors eyes cleared slightly, and he looked back up at Cassian in a way that chilled the older man to the core. _He wants out... He really just wants out_.

Cassians eyes widened, as something hot and sticky splashed onto his body, and he looked down slowly to see vomit coating the front of his shirt, dripping down onto to Jizabels bare chest. Fighting back his own gag reflex he looked down at Jizabel, using his thumb to wipe the substance from the edges of the doctors lips. He was still shaking now, though not quite as profusely.

"I'll... clean this up..." He whispered, as he stepped back, took off his shirt, and, after failing to find a rag, using the unsoiled portion of said shirt to wipe off Jizabel aswell. He was silent in this work, and once he'd cleaned the foul substance off completely he fetched a glass of water, forcing it on the younger man.

"Just try to drink," He said, his voice shaking abit more then he would have preferred, "You need it..." And again, as he had done with his last visit he tipped the glass to Jizabels lips, making sure he swallowed a few sips before giving him a break, and laying his head back down against the pillow.

"I'll stay with you until you've improved..." he murmured to himself, as he turned the chair back around, leaning his bare back against it. "I could care less what the Cardmaster said..."

Jizabel flinched a little when his name was mentioned, avoiding Cassians glance, a twinge of guilt rising in him, although those subtle signs flew over Cassians head. He dug his finger nails into the sheets beneath him, letting out a breath before releasing his grip. Cassian had been the only man he'd felt guilt for since... since...

He coughed, his eyes watering as he clutched his hand to his mouth. The world was spinning around him again as Cassian rose abruptly from his chair and grabbed something. He heaved again, shaking violently. It hurt to feel this way, it hurt to think, it hurt to breath....

And in under a second, Cassian had returned to his side, pulling one arm around him, jerking him up into a more seated position, and using his other hand to thrust a small pan infront of his mouth.

He sobbed, retching into the bowl, all the while leaning unconsciously into Cassians embrace. Perhaps it was just the state he was in... but Cassian felt so warm. He shuddered, nestling into Cassians arms as soon as he set the bowl aside, the 'boy' again using his finger to wipe off Jizabels mouth.

This man was a substitute.... as far as he was concerned, he was a mere tool to get his work done, and, at this moment, he was a doll filling in his fathers place. He twitched slightly, as he felt Cassians chest rise and fall. He did not want to be in his arms, he wanted to be alone... He wanted relief.

Jizabel raised his head slightly, for the second time staring across the room to Zenopia's various papers and jars. It was there, it was too dark to see it clearly, but he _knew_ it was there, his body screamed for it, it demanded-

"I'll stay with you... I'm not going to leave," he swallowed, his arms squeezing around the doctor a little tighter, though still wary of his injuries, "...I won't let him touch you again."

Jizabels mouth was dry, as he attempted to speak... Instead, he fell silent again, laying his head against the 'boys' chest. He couldn't. It was too much. All too much. Cassian shifted beneath him, getting up from the bed and carefully laying Jizabel back down. He paused, rubbing the back of his hand against Jizabels skin, carefully gliding it around the bruises, never touching them.

"I... I know what you need," Cassian said in a hushed tone, biting his lip before continuing, "I know it's been too long since your last dosage... I spoke with Zenopia earlier, while you were still sleeping..."

He removed his hand, a look of great sadness in his eyes, as he stepped away from the bed and removed a small vial from Zenopia's desk, his expression even grimmer as he saw the thirst in Jizabels eyes.

_I don't want to do this... I don't want you to suffer..._

He was almost a foot from the bed when Jizabels hand lashed forward, his cold fingers wrapping around the vial in Cassians hand. He stood there for a moment, his eyes fixated on Jizabels, on that desperation, before he took a final step, leaning over the bed and letting Jizabel drink the contents, finding some difficulty prying the vial from him afterwords.

"That was... less then what your body is used to..." He murmured, dropping the vial the to floor, his head spinning somewhat. "...but," he clenched his fists, "...you'll feel better..."

_This is all his fault... It's all... his fault..._

He forced a smile, stroking Jizabels cheek again, already noticing that his shaking had ceased.

"...Th-thank you." Jizabel murmured, closing his eyes as Cassians fingers brushed over his lips. Cassian recoiled, slowly, surprised by his words. It had to be the drugs, he told himself, but despite this he smiled to himself, looking over to the clock on the wall.

Two thirty in the morning... That meant that the doctor had been back for at least twenty-four hours. It was wrong, to call this wretched place home, but he was out of that hell. He was safe, for the time being.

Cassian yawned, glancing at the clock again, as if he had expected some time to have passed, then leaned over Jizabel once more, laying a soft kiss on his forehead, some instinct compelling him to do so.

He knew immediately he had made the wrong decision.

Jizabels eyes snapped open, and he recoiled, staring up at Cassian with an expression between malice and fear... One that soon faded back to confusion and pain as he nestled his head against the pillow again, avoiding the 'boys' eyes.

"...Don't.... do that again."

"Jizabe-"

"..Never...never..."

He took a step away from the bed, his teeth grinding together and that monster inside him rearing it's head, like some demon of vengeance. His nails drove into his palms as he walked toward the door.

_He will never be same._

"I'm... sorry...." He choked, not wanting to leave, but knowing things would just be worse if he stayed, "I didn't mean to... Goodnight."

He stepped from the room, as silently as he had entered... His fist finally colliding with the wall, and anything in his range, when he was back in his own quarters... far from the frightened, scarred, child down the hall.

Finally, he collapsed in his room, surrounded by the remains of his own belongings, broken glass and torn clothing littering the floor.

Tomorrow... This would all... end... tomorrow.....

* * *

**ILU all for reading this piece of rubbish, and beg you to review it. And wait for the next chapter. And stuff.**

**Oh, and Sorryll and Savvi? I love you two with the burning passion of 1000 suns going super nova.  
**


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